David Cameron
God, that man is annoying. Probably almost as annoying as my Kopperberg coated laptop keys (the a, s and d keys are proving particularly difficult to press). Not only does his smarmy side-parting anger me greatly but Mr Cameron just screams “The Daily Mail” everytime I look at him on television. ‘Big D’ clearly sees himself as being the sort of PM that everyone can aspire to be like (unless you’re an illegal immigrant or a criminal of course).
You see, Cammy’s incredibly middle-class. He has a media-friendly wife who enjoys shopping at M&S, he rides a bicycle to work because he believes it’ll save the environment, he went to Eton. He even admitted that he once smoked Ganja (to show that not everyone who smokes the earth’s finest turns into a junky-teenage-mum on Jeremy Kyle). All jesting aside, I did feel sorry for him when his disabled son Ivan sadly died at the age of 6. But when Sam’Cam recently fell preggers I couldn’t help feel how perfectly well timed it was. Convenient eh?
D’Cam is clearly desperate to be perceived by the middle-class folk as being a ‘cool, tough-talking’ character by changing the slogan of a Labour campaign poster which refers back to the 1980s when The Conservatives were last in power.The original poster campaign by Labour referred to the hit BBC TV programme ‘Ashes to Ashes’ by super-imposing Cammy’s suited ‘n’ booted self onto an Audi Quattro a la Gene Hunt style. ‘Course Big Dave was suitably chuffed with advertising agency M&C Saatchi’s efforts to make him appear to be a tough-no-nonsence candidate for the No 10 hotspot, claiming that:
“I think there will be thousands of people, millions of people, in the country who wish it was the 1980s and that police were out there feeling collars and nicking people instead of filling in forms,”
Bruv! Even though I spent the most part of the 1980s rocking out in my mother’s womb or staring idly into space whilst confined to my cot, I can gather that during the 1980s much of Britain was in a state of up-heavel thanks to the dear that is Baroness Thatcher and her CONSERVATIVE party. Now, correct me if I’m wrong here but wasn’t it the Conservatives who implemented monetary policies which resulted in 100,000 people signing the unemployment register…every MONTH? And as a result of this, absolute poverty became a common feature of British life as did the resulting growth in crime which affected many areas of Britain through “civil disobediance” and rioting?
Well duh! it’s no wonder that the Police were forever “nicking people” in the 1980s…it was because YOUR political party set out to ensure that the deprived people of Great Britain remained deprived and the Middle and Upper classes benefitted greatly from the privatisation of numerous British firms such as BT and British Gas. I’m gathering that from your (above) quote, that you’re aiming for the same sort of result this time round, should you win the coming general election?
Oh, and of course during the 1980s Fox Hunting was still a legal “sport”, so OBVIOUSLY you’re going to be abolishing that pesky little law Labour imposed a few years ago, banning that traditional past-time of yours?
I definately see a pattern emerging here, Dave! Will you be making Grime and Dubstep illegal by forcing The New Romantic era back into the charts? Will Cornrows be abolished in favour of the Perm!? Will Liverpool start winning trophies again?! What next on the Conservative agenda?
