My (Not Very) Australian Adventure

He may be a diving cheat, but boy do I LOVE him

Sorry, but it had to be done eventually. Here is the one, the only, Mr Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos. The record breaking Real Madrid star had a quiet game today against the Ivory Coast but occasionally showed why he’s one of the best players in the world (ever).

Ok, yeah he may be permanently tanned and has more grease in his hair than a B&B’s frying pan but he’s still TOTALLY GORGEOUS. That cheeky smile, those perfect abs, the way he made a United shirt look sexy and of course his unbelievable tekkers…oooh he makes me go weak at the knees.

Despite his infamous wink and his occasional tantrums, the fact that he’s not afraid to cry does win him a few man points. BUT Cristiano…what were you thinking when you put this outfit together? No, just no.

It may be a coincidence, but so far all my World Cup hotties have either under-performed or been on the losing team (or both). Today is no exception- I present to you, Denmark’s Daniel Agger. He may have inadvertently helped the Netherlands to the top of Group E but he’s still smoking hot.

Maybe It’s just me, but I think Danish footballers are really rather scrummy. But seeing Daniel Agger’s bulging bicpeps (and obviously his hands) clutching a tattooist’s needle makes him a MILLION times hotter. In my eyes a footballer + tattoos = win, but unfortunately no one’s perfect and one of the definate downsides to Daniel is the fact that he’s a Liverpool player. However, seeing as Liverpool aren’t going to be in the Champions League (Haha!) this season I’ll be more than happy to provide a shoulder for Daniel to cry on.

Dear America.

This is a quick letter to inform you of how incorrect today’s New York Post’s headline is.

Firstly, you did NOT win yesterday’s World Cup game against us (England). It was a DRAW. How does the score 1-1 make it a win to the USA? Answer: IT DOESN’T.

Secondly, it wasn’t the greatest tie since Bunker Hill as we (England) played considerably better than you and it was only largely thanks to Tim Howard (who coincidentally plies his trade at Everton, an ENGLISH football team) and Emile Heskey’s inability to capitalise on decent chances.

Thirdly, it is not Clint Dempsey who should be credited with your equaliser, it was largely thanks to West Ham’s Rob Green’s inability to keep a clean sheet.

Finally, here’s a little piece of advice: NEVER let American film stars (who know bugger all about football) give advice or tips on the World Cup. Although to be fair, it did give us something to laugh about.

Yours Sincerely,

Disgruntled England fan.

Today’s World Cup ‘player of the day’ is Manchester United and Serbia man-mountain Nemanja Vidic. Although Serbia didn’t win today the indestructable Vidic was an ever present force.

Not only is Nemanja one of the Premiership’s best defenders, but it is also a well known fact that he doesn’t even bleed. Rumour has it that Nemanja’s biological father is Luke Skywalker and apparently the reason why he doesn’t wear a watch is because HE decides what time it is. I also heard recently that Nemanja Vidic’s tears cure cancer, but because he’s never cried no one has yet been cured. He also produces adorable children.

Introducing Tim Cahill. The thunder in my down under (yes, I did just say that)

Australia isn’t renowned for it’s good footballers, but Mr Cahill does ‘em proud. Captain of club (Everton) and country he is also the father of this cutie.

Joann Gourcuff of Bordeaux & France.

Nomnomnom